monologue

tak puas hati

2010-07-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Marah betul aku. Tak puas hati langsung. Siapa la yang punya kerja ni. Ahhh tak kisah, yang aku tau aku tak puas hati.

AKU TAK PUAS HATI.

MARAH.

KECEWA, MUNGKIN JUGA.

Kenapa orang panggil TOOTHBRUSH???

Bukankah TOOTH = satu gigi sahaja??

Kalau TOOTHBRUSH, maknanya boleh gosok satu gigi sahaja. Mesti gosok satu gigi sahaja.

Possible kah boleh gosok satu gigi sahaja??

PELIK.

Aku rasa kita mesti panggil TEETHBRUSH.

Baru boleh gosok semua gigi.

TEETHBRUSH.

Ahhhh, aman dunia.

lawyers joke

2010-06-29T11:26:00.001-07:00

A contractor died. At heaven's door he was told that he shouldn't be there and that he will be sent to hell. In hell, Satan asked what the man can do for him.He said that he could make hell a better place. So, the Satan kept him. In a few years there were indoor plumbing, insulation, air conditioning and much more. St.... peter called Satan one day to see what its like down there. Satan said its great now that we have your contractor. St. peter replies"You can't do that I'll sue!". Satan replies "O yea? Where u gonna get a lawyer?"

bimbos:explained.

2010-06-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."

blame alex for this.

2010-06-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

Big question for everyone:

When we're in trouble, what do we do? We put our hands together and pray to God.
When we're off the hook, do we still go to God?

Hell NO.

This is bad and not to mention selfish. So, just as a preparation to us all.
If someone asks you,

Someone: Hey, why do you only pray when you're in trouble?

Here is what you will answer,

You: Because I don't wanna bother God all the time. Give Him a chance to entertain someone else's problems and prayers. i am being noble here.

weird feeling

2010-05-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

when i look at you, i know that you are my desire
when i look at you, there is a feeling that i never felt before
when i look at you, i know that i adore what you utter
when i look at you, things are not as they were before.

there is something in me
and it is getting stronger and stronger
as time pass by
i can barely contain it
the feeling is so strong
it feels like my heart doesn't belong to me anymore.
it belongs to you.

you, whom i can never possess.

smart kid

2010-05-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

Teacher: class, tell me your ambition. Let’s start with you Raj.
Raj: I want to be a pilot.
Sarah: I want to be a teacher.
Jess: I want to be a lawyer.
Teacher: Matt, what about you?
Mat: I want to be a beggar.
Teacher: Matt, why would you want to be a beggar? Pick a career that gives you benefits in the future.
Mat: are you kidding me? I can escape from paying taxes, unnecessary bills, gets free money and best of all; I can get rid of my mom.
Teacher: Matt, how dare you utter such words in front of me? Aren’t you scared that I will punish you?
Mat: but that’s what I ask for Christmas from Santa. And I even tell Priest Brian about that in church. He said that I’m a smart kid.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman

2010-04-14T00:50:00.001-07:00

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

twins and twins

2010-04-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Kathy and Katy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth and Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen---- "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"

The woman answered, "Heck no, there were whole bunch of times we didn't get nothin'."

**credits to:Kathy

bangsa mana?

2010-04-12T02:21:00.000-07:00

Pada suatu hari, Aishah(bukan nama sebenar) membebel kepada anaknya, Elina.

Aishah: Isy, orang melayu ni tak guna la. Pemalas betul! Cina ni suka tipu la. Ahhh,Bajau pun sama je. Bla..bla...bla...bla....

Elina : Mama ni kutuk semua bangsa. Habis tu Mama bangsa apa?

Aishah: Mama bangsa Aishah!

Elina terkesima dan terdiam mendenagar kata-kata ibunya.

****di sekolah

Cikgu: Elina, kawan baik kamu berbangsa apa?

Elina: Saya tiada kawan baik cikgu. Bangsa Melayu sangat malas, Cina pula suka berbohong. India cekap memutar belit.Semua tidak bagus.

Cikgu: Habis, kamu berbangsa apa?'

Elina: Saya berbangsa Aisyah. (dengan bangganya)

Cikgu: Tak perlu lah kamu nak tambah bangsa tak guna kat Malaysia ni, Elina. Terima kasih saja.

Moral value:
Berhati-hati apabila berbual di hadapan anak. Dia mungkin malukan kamu di sekolah.=)

L.O.G.I.C

2010-04-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Girl : *crying* I just broke up with my boyfriend!
Friend: Why? What happened?
Girl : I don't know!Everything seems so good until he told me that he wanted a break up.
Friend: Oh my!
Girl : I guess he can't take it when I am dominating the relationship.Or maybe he isn't ready, he is too childish for commitments.Or he needs time to settle things for himself. I just don't know!
Friend:It's okay. He just lost a gem and he doesn't know it.

******************************

Guy :I just broke up with my girlfriend.
Friend:What's up?
Guy : Nah, i just don't like her anymore.
Friend: Whatever makes you happy, bro!

Message: Girls, stop all those unnecessary critical thinking. Just take the simple logic.

kill yourself then.

2010-04-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

what would you feel?

if you are the reason your bestfriend attemp a suicide.
sadly, she survived.
she is still breathing.
alive.

she may start over. it will be difficult for her, undoubtedly.

you, are not that lucky.
you need to live,
with the fact that you have killed her.
every step you take, the shadow just won't go.
the shadow of a murderer.

funny, eh?

2010-04-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work, particularly which types of patients they'd had the best experiences with.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

Disclaimer: This entry is taken from a very inspiring man, Muhammad Faiz Arshad.

gee, that explains.

2010-03-30T04:41:00.000-07:00

So, that very day was the day when i decided to take a look at a law textbook. It is called Contract Law in Malaysia, by LexisNexis.

I flipped the first page, INTRODUCTION. This is what is written there.

Disclaimer:This is just something that i discover, i have no other intention than merely sharing experience. Please read carefully.

"Rather than being a phenomenon that is indigenous, the law of contract that we have in Malaysia today IS AN IMPORT from the United Kingdom. And, the law arrived here not directly from United Kingdom but through India. ACTUALLY, IT WAS NOT AN IMPORT BUT AN IMPOSITION IN THAT IT WAS THRUST UPON THE PEOPLE IN THE TERRITORIES THAT...... "

Guess who wrote the book??
answer: KRISHNAN ARJUNAN and Abdul Majid bin Nabi Baksh

yeah, dream on.

2010-03-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

how do you differentiate what is REAL and what is a DREAM???

*a girl is sitting near the window, looking down at the busy street.

guy: hey,what are you doing up there?
girl:erm..i....*blush blush*
guy:do you like chocolate?
girl: erm, yes i do.
guy: do you mind spending your precious time with me?i know a good chocolate shop at the end of town.
girl: but i....
guy: a wise man once told me that a chocolate fan should never have a second thought on an offer for a good quality chocky snacks.

* the girl smiles and walks out of the house.

guy: hey, this town is currently facing a dangerous situation.
girl: excuse me?
guy: all the insects will bite beautiful young ladies walking alone, leaving a lifetime scar.
girl: but i am not walking alone. i am walking with you.
guy: but the insects don't know that. we have to tell them.
girl: how?
guy: by holding hands.

*both smile and they hold hands.

guy: how would you like your chocolate?
girl: i like them sweet and runny. how about you?
guy: oh i don't like chocolate.
girl: then, why are we eating chocolate? let's pick something that we both like.
guy: no, this is what we both like.
girl: but i thought you don't like chocolate?
guy: hmm..you like chocolate. and i like you.

*the girl is dumbfounded, stunned as the boy approaches closer.he looks right through her eyes. their lips get closer and the girl closes her eye.

and.....

WHACK!!! COME ON GUYS. THIS IS A DREAM.

the general rule:
all good guys are taken, married or DEAD.

i have a friend

2010-03-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

i met a friend,
a lovely friend
whom i love
very much.

i have a friend,
a cute friend,
who would smile and laugh
and spread me the love.

i like a friend,
a good friend,
whom i hurt,
everytime i speak.

i like my friends,
i love my friends,
because they're good friends,
but i hurt them,
because i am mean.

sidenote:
i have a weird sense of humor.

yang mana satu?

2010-03-13T01:43:00.000-08:00

Amy: amir tu comel kan?
Elina: tau takpe!
Amy: aku rasa amir suka kat aku lah.
Elina: aku pun rasa amir suka kat aku.
Amy : aku rasa amir suka kat aku sebab dia layan aku lain. Dengan orang lain dia macam malu malu dan tak sembang pun. Tapi kalau dengan aku, dia sembang and siap cracks some jokes lagi.
Elina: aku rasa amir suka kat aku pun sebab dia layan aku lain. kalau dalam kelas dia cam malu malu dengan aku. Tapi kalau dengan orang lain dia sembang okay je. Dengan aku kalau terpandang pun dia cepat cepat pandang tempat lain.

disclaimer:
this has got nothing to do with amy, elina or amir.

falling.

2010-02-25T11:35:00.001-08:00

the morning breeze that caressed my face,
introduced me to the morning,
i felt happy,
but i fear;
will i survive till sunset.

the heart that God gave,
allow me to pump the system,
i am breathing,
i am living,
but i may be dead inside.

the feelings that compliments me,
grew stronger each day,
but the feelings that took me down,
conquered my wisdom.

so, i walked the longest journey my feet can take me,
till i met an old man in white,
that man asked me,who made me feel this way?
i answer; i can't define it.
but most people called it LOVE.

english.

2010-02-11T10:21:00.000-08:00

Agent: hey are you interested in joining our english enhancement program?

Customer: *silence*

Agent: it can help improves your english.

Customer: yeah, I need to improve my english. Because I only know two words in English. And I use them quite often.

Agent: oh, it must be thank you.

Customer: nope.

Agent: then?

Customer: fuck off.

good husband

2010-02-11T09:47:00.002-08:00

Mom: maybe it’s time for you to get married.

Daughter: why all of a sudden?

Mom: last night I dreamt about you.

Daughter: what did the dream tell?

Mom: nothing, I just saw you using my credit card for shopping.

Daughter: errrrrr????

Mom: Calvin looks like a nice guy.

Daughter: Calvin who?

Mom: Calvin your colleague. I’m sure he can be a good husband for you.

Daughter: How can you tell?

Mom: from the Patek Phillip on his wrist. And the Porsche that he drives.

twisted

2010-02-09T10:04:00.000-08:00

angel: do not consume alcohol.they are bad to your health.
devil: if god creates water for us to drink, what makes alcohol any different?

angel: don't do drugs.that is just silly.
devil: but it calms you down. i thought god would vote for peace and tranquility.

angel: stop polluting the environment. you are killing mother nature.
devil: nah, that is merely propaganda by the greedy.

angel: please marry the one you love. be dignified.
devil: who would want to be dignified? i totally sign up for cool.

angel: be good to your parents. they have done so much for you.
devil: so much like yelling around and exercising fascism at home?

angel: be courteous. that differs you from the animal.
devil: animals don't have brains.they are programmed to be courteous. we are otherwise.

angel: respect the women.they are weaker.
devil: i thought they fight for equality?

angel: stop propagating bad/untrue stories about others.
devil: but that is evidence. it proves that i am good.

angel: advise others.
devil: you mean before or after i laugh at them?

angel: please don't be selfish.share your part.
devil: but they can have their own part if they work for it.

angel: be nice, pray for god's touch.
devil: but we are all going to hell anyway.

the rude wake up call

2010-02-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

here.let me whack your face hard with all the books written by stephanie meyer.
(because all the books will be thick enough to constitute the kind of pain i am referring to; and the storyline sucks anyway- thanks to the movies)

we have friends;
but we have no idea how long will the friendship lasts.

we believe in love;
then we come to realize the existence of lust.

we put in faith in ourselves;
just to realize that we are losers.

we pray for a peaceful destiny;
but trembles as apocalypse is about to make way

we work for money;
but the luxuries are not forward-able underground

we want beauty;
but cries to every wrinkle that appears daily

we crave for fame;
but only the negatives spread

we hope for a happy ending;
but we are all going to hell at the end of the day.

wisdom-ness

2010-02-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

it is a good day. you are walking down the bright town, merrily. the street is shining as the colors of the rainbow glitters through the small cracks and opening of the building.

then, there is a cat.a cute one, proper.you thought you are lucky to see such a cute cat like that; glee.

when you are closer to the cat, then you can see that the cat is shitting slash poo-ing.you try to walk away, distancing yourself from the shit.

but of course, you will fail.

please bother yourself and ask why.
why?

because shit will always hit you.hard.
and so, the wise caliph defines life.

meatless day celebration.

2009-12-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

it was a celebration. but not to many people. i understand why.
a fiesta with no turkey, or sausages or beef. not even chicken of fish.
it is difficult, i agree.but thats the last we can do to save the environment.

meatless day is a day where we choose to be vegetarian.no meat. no meat at all.
the idea is to reduce the emissions of green house gasses.when we eat meat(of any sort), the process of digestion will release hazardous gasses such as carbon dioxide and others oxide.
when we stop eating meat for a day in a week, it is equivalent to removing thousands of car off the road.but surely, many need to contribute to achieve this.

i urge, if you care enough.contribute.